Why Did I Start This Years After Recovering From Anorexia?

Most people who know me would consider me an outgoing, happy young lady. Most people who know me on a more personal level understand that is true, however, there are a lot of underlying issues and past that go along with that glowing personality. These issues stem back to my childhood and continue up until this point of my life. My largest battle with mental health and my physical well being began my junior year of college during my time at Illinois State University. This was the year of 2007, roughly beginning upon entering college, and more than likely before even going away to school.

It is now 6 years after being faced with an all consuming eating disorder. Anorexia was my vice. Food, calorie counting, exercise for hours on end, routines, planning, anxiety, shaking, indecision, food, calorie counting, and more exercise. I spent every waking moment obsessing about the above topics. I spent very little time thinking about the underlying issues, how amazing my friends and family were, or what I wanted to do with my life. Like any person who is faced with a mental illness, I was clueless at first that anything was changing about me, especially to the point of danger. It took me many years to understand how my choices were effecting not only my life, but my family's and friend's lives as well. Since entering various stages of recovery I have wanted to develop a blog, journals, books, and presentations to share my story with other people.

I am still baffled to this day that I am alive and well. I have no idea how my body was able to bounce back from the torture I put it through. I don't know how I ever climbed out of the dark place I was stuck in for so very long. Now that I am finally able to say I am FULLY RECOVERED, I decided a blog would be a wonderful way to share my experience with others, including the ones who were by my side during this rough time.

Below I have included pictures from my past. This helps put into perspective where my physical well being was at due to a mind that was totally unbalanced.

Some of the worst of times

Sickeningly skinny arms

Again with the arms

Before going out on Valentine's Day

One of my last days at Metcalf before being removed from ISU

My buddy Meghan

My amazing Ms. Jenny who helped support me through the terrible times

Notice the picture of Grandma Rita right next to my desk in my dorms, as well as Roy's obituary from when he passed away in November 2005. Also, the "Cheer Up Charlie" card from one of my best friends, Laura. Something was always going on with me.